Our son, Robert, and his girlfriend told us that they were expecting their child... our 1st Grandchild about 4 months ago. Wow.. it seems like just yesterday when our son came in beaming from ear to ear and told us. They were about 5 weeks along at that time.
Many plans were made.. What to get.. things to prepare for.. but there wasn't really a rush... the baby wasn't due until April 2009. But you know how short that time can be when there are so many things to do. So preparations began... slowly but surely. Until.....
Last week we got a phone call from our son that something wasn't right. Tammy was in the hospital bleeding. They kept her for 2 days and then allowed her to go home.. but under strict bedrest. Yesterday.. a day after being released she began bleeding again and went back to the hospital. She was admitted in the afternoon...
Last night she called our son and said that he needed to get to the hospital right away. He travelled the 50 miles quickly but safely. We were in constant contact by phone until he got there. We waited to hear what was going on... About 9PM he called us visibly upset. He said that Tammy was going to deliver any time and that they didn't expect him to live.. He was only 20 weeks old and his lungs hadn't developed yet. There was nothing to do but wait now.
Tam asked Rob if he wanted us to come to the hospital to be with him and Tammy for moral support. You know.. no matter how old your children get.. they are always your "little boy or girl," and you want (maybe need) to be there for them. And we wanted to be with our son during this time... there was an emptiness and uneasiness just sitting at home by the phone. Rob said "Yes.. I would like you to be here... please hurry!"
We got all the children here to pray.. and we got in the van and headed for Srpingfield. The trip is about 50 miles... but it felt more like 500! We rode quietly.. hardly speaking at all. Suddenly the phone rang.. bringing our hearts into our throats... It was Rob.. telling us that at 9:16 PM Jayden Cole was brought into this world! With mixed emotions Tam told Rob that we were only about 20 more minutes away... We each looked out our windows and wept quietly.
We got to the hospital at 10PM.. and after a few minutes found our way to the room where they were. They were just finishing cleaning up Tammy.. and Rob was in the adjacent room with Jayden. We walked over.. to see him beaming. "Wanna see my son!" he exclaimed as we walked into the room! It was all that I could do not to cry... but you know.. sometimes dads just have to be strong for their children (Not that crying is a weakness). I was so proud of him.. for I saw in him at that moment courage, determination, joy, and sadness all wrapped up into one.
Tam, Rob, Tammy, and I all took turns holding this precious little life in our hands. I watched Tam as she pulled him close to her and gently kissed his forehead. As I watched I remember thinking how tiny and fragile he was.. and I flashed back to when our children were born.. and watching as she tenderly cuddled them. For a moment I was lost in time.. and then suddenly back in the hospital.
We spent the next 2 hours talking.. taking pictures, doting over this new life.. and how precious he was. I was so amazed at the tenderness and love in my son's demeanor with his new child. I just watched in awe. The nurses were also very kind.. taking the time to explain everything.. and letting us know how Jayden was doing. His heart rate had gone from 160 at 9:17 to 40 at 11:30. Tam & I decided that we would leave at about 12 PM. We had tried to be an encouragement and comfort to Rob and Tammy.. and there was really nothing more that we could do.
We hugged each other... Tam took Jayden in her arms one more time... Just before we walked out the door.. I took his little hand with my finger.. I could almost feel him squeeze it ever so gently. I fought to hold the tears back...
The ride home was somber... Thinking about this little life that would only be with us a short time longer. Praying for our son.. for strength and courage. Only YHWH could comfort him now.. We arrived home safely at 1 AM... And shortly thereafter Rob called saying that Jayden has passed away right after we left the hospital.
Sometimes.. I am amazed at the wisdom of YHWH. I don't pretend to know everything.. or why things happen the way that they do. But in a life so fragile.. so short.. Jayden had touched so many people... Without ever saying a word. There were so many who came together to pray for our son and Tammy over the past week.. and to them we are grateful. There was family and friends... strengthening of relationships. A new cloesness with many people that had drifted apart in ways. As Tam sent our her devotion tonight.. many more were touched.. and perhaps some of you are right now.. reading this. Truly "YHWH's ways are higher than ours..."
We can't pretend to understand all of this.. and yes.. there is pain. But somehow.. in the midst of it all, there is also hope.. and love.. and eventually joy will prevail. When I think back over the years with our children.. there has been joy.. there has been sorrow. And now in my life as a "Grandpa" I have experienced the same feelings in just a few hours.. I will hold on to the joys.. just as I held on to that tiny hand... You never knew us Jayden (or maybe somehow you did!)... but in 3 short hours.. you made a difference in so many lives! Thank you little guy..
I love you! We all do!
Grandpa David
